Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
