You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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