Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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