I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I checked into jail on foursquare
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
