Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
