You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
