Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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