I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize