honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
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