I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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