I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
