Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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