What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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