Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
