if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
