Please, let me fuck your mom
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
