Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
