So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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