It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize