Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
