My liver just broke up with me...
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So squirting runs in the family.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
