Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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