u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
