Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
