Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
