She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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