i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
