Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
