Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
