I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize