Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
