When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
