Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize