Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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