honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
