I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
accomplished twins. life is a go
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
