why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
