u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
