plz talk dirty to me
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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