four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize