When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
