Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
