just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
