I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
