I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
