Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
