Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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