i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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