brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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