haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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