You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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