Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
