you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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