I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Never joke about your clitoris.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
