oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
