My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
