AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
