i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
