gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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