I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wish they made helmets for livers.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
