Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
