Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
