you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
