Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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