Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
