We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Damn victory sex feels great
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
