He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize